Hi Nick / Doreen Mento (cousin)
You are thought of today and always by so many wonderfull people. I am sure you know that for you are watching over us all and making sure of it. Close
How can you be gone? / Shelly Knowles (mother)
Every morning, I lay in bed thinking of you; Every night, I lay in bed thinking of you; I think of you throughout the day; How can you be gone?
I never imagined you could die; You are too strong; too full of life; Even your baby pictures emit energy; How can you be gone?
The pain still grips me; my throat is on fire; I cannot stop the tears; my heart is broken; oh god, I cannot function; forgive me Nick; How can you be gone?
Please come back to me Nick!! I know that you would if you could; I forgive you if you cannot, but I miss you so; How can you be gone?
IT WILL COME / Valerie DiCuffa (aunt)
Shelly as I read between the lines of the pain you endure,I only hope and pray for you to feel the hope and peace that Nick wishes for you. YES!!!!!!!!!! You WILL recieve signs but you have to let go of the thought that he's gone. Just focas on he's just away IT takes time and I know how hard it is to believe that our first borns were taken from us. As much as I hated to hear 'THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON' ITS TRUE, TRUST GOD, AND TRUST ME I,VE BEEN BLESSED WITH SO MANY SIGNS, but they didnt ocurr till I was able to believe in life goes on and he watches over you and Sara . It's only been 5 months ,my first sign came 6in a half months ,then they just keep comin because I accept things as signs ,so many people ove look these and they miss out on the beauty,of life goes on. read the poem in A.J.'S TRUBUTE that was sent to me from a friend , forever here just put it in on the 30th. Keep you faith and the rest will come , 100 % garenteed!! GOD BLESS YOU NICK, EVERYONE BE SURE TO SAY PRAYERS FOR NICK DAILY! MUCH LOVE AND HOPE,THEN COMES PEACE! Close
this is for you / His Little Sister (little sister )Read >>
this is for you / His Little Sister (little sister )
tomorrow will be 5 months since you were taken from us and it seems like just yesterday we were secretly watching The Simpsons in your room while you babysat me when mom was out...it doesnt feel like you're gone and i hope it never will..because i would never wanna lose my big brother....you mean so much to me and i hope you are in peace up there ...every day i live is one more day closer to being with you again...i would just like to have one more day to see you...to drive to the mountains, to watch discovery channel, to hear your voice, to watch you make those faces, to see you smile , to hear you laugh , to eat your such bizarre foods from around the world....as long as i was with you it would be amazing...i wish you could have been here longer and i hope i make you proud as your little sister! Close
Did we lose or not? / Shelly Knowles (mother)Read >>
Did we lose or not? / Shelly Knowles (mother) As awful as things were when Nick was going through the chemo, I never thought we would lose. When his doctor said that he needed a bone marrow tansplant, I was not surprised at all. I had read so much about stage 4 Hodgkins; I almost expected it. Still, I never thought we would lose. Nick was strong and he drudged through the transplant recovery process as he was supposed to. What happened? Why couldn't the doctors turn it around? Why Nick? As I read about all the complications and suffering that other patients continue to go through, I wonder, would Nick have been okay with that? We he have been miserable? Would he have lost hope? Did he escape that torment? Would it have been torment? It did not seem so bad when we were going through it because we were focused on winning. But if, in the end, you lose, is it worth it? Was Nick spared? Is he in a better place? Is he aware? Is he happy? Did he win instead of lose? Does he miss us? I have no control over this and I hate it. I pray for a sign that he is ok; better than ok; then I will be. I fear that I may never get that sign. If only I could know for sure Missing you Nick, Love, Mom Close
For TJ - A Tribute to Our Pain / Shelly Knowles (mother)
This Tribute is for T.J. and for his mom, Shelly, who works at the American Red Cross on Everette Road, where I donated platelets today. I realize that time will never heal our pain, but that pain connects us. Maybe it is because it tells us that we are not alone; maybe it is because we know the agony each of us feels; maybe its just that we need to share our pain to release some of it. I don't know. I feel your pain. It is so familar. Bless you, bless me. bless T.J and Nick. Bless us all. Close
The Love Remains / Shelly Knowles (mother)
Although you are not here with us, our love for you remains. The pain we feel attests to the strength and power of that love. It is so strong that you must feel it; forever. Whenever we feel this pain; I pray that you feel our love Close
Another Day Without You / Shelly Knowles (mother) Another day without you; My heart still aches; my throat still burns; I wish I could turn back time and have you here with me now
I feel the warm sun bearing down on me; I see the flowers and grass all around; I smell the herbs growing; Why can't you be here to see it with me?
Some days now don't seem as heartwrenching, But when I tried to explain it to someone, My throat tightened and my eyes started to water and I could not finish my words I don't want you to be gone
In minutes it will be tomorrow; another restless night if I go to sleep and dream of you, will you come to me? I miss you. I pray for you. I love you Mom
I pray that it is so / Shelly Knowles (mother)Read >>
I pray that it is so / Shelly Knowles (mother)
I am home in heaven dear ones, oh so happy and so bright. There is perfect joy and beauty, in this everlasting light. All the pain and grief is over, every restless yearning past. I am now at peace forever, safely home in heaven at last. Dear ones, do not grieve so sorely, for I love you dearly still. Try to look beyond earth's shadow, pray to trust our father's will. There is work still waiting for you, so you must not idly stand. When the work is all completed, He will gently call you home. Oh, the rapture of that meeting! Oh, the joy to see you come! Close
a poem that touched me / Shelly Knowles (mother)
Life is but a stopping place, A pause in what's to be, A resting place along the road, To sweet eternity.
We all have different journeys, Different paths along the way, We are all meant to learn some things, But never meant to stay.
Our destination is a place, Far greater than we know, For some the journey's quicker, For some the journey's slow.
But when the journey finally ends, We'll claim a great reward, And find an everlasting peace, Together with the Lord. Close
Missing you / Shelly Knowles (mother)
Dearest Nick, I am so lost without you. I feel like I am living in a fog. You are a part of all that I am. I miss you so much. My throat aches from crying for you. My shoulders cannot carry this loss. Yet, life goes on. The sun comes up anyway. I don't understand. There must be a mistake somewhere. I'm so sorry for every disagreement we ever had. I love you more than anything. Please know that. I pray for you. I pray that you are alive, somewhere, and happy and free. You will always be a part of me. There will always be a special bond between us. You are in my heart, my soul, my everything. I miss you. Close
Nick - Its About You / Shelly Knowles (Mother)
Dearest Nick, You were on a spiritual quest; to be the best that you can be in a world of corruption and pain. I understand, I really do. But I miss you so very much. I miss our past; I miss our future. There was so much more for us to do; more roads to travel; more memories to make; more talks to have; more understandings..... I am still shocked that you are not here. It wrenches inside me every day. It breaks my heart over and over. As I promised you, I will never stop trying to communicate with you. But I want you to know that I do understand that this is not about me; its about you. I pray that you have transcended to a place more better and more meaningful than here and that you are fulfilled and happy. Hear my prayers. I love you. Mom Close
YOU'VE BEEN BLESSED / VALERIE DICUFFA (SHELLY'S COUSIN )Read >>
YOU'VE BEEN BLESSED / VALERIE DICUFFA (SHELLY'S COUSIN )
DEAR SHELLY, THROUGH THE MIST OF MY TEARS MY HEART IS SO HAPPY FOR YOU. WHAT A WONDERFUL READING SO UPLIFTING . AS MUCH AS I HATE HEARING THEY'RE IN A BETTER PLACE ITS GOOD TO HEAR IT AS A FACT NOT JUST WHAT PEOPLE SAY . HOW MUCH BETTER YOU MUST FEEL YA THE PAIN WILL ALWAYS BE OURS BUT IT MUST HAVE SUBSIDE SOME FROM YOUR READING I,VE BEEN PRAYING SO HARD THAT YOU WOULD GET THROUGH THIS CAUSE I DO BELIEVE HE FOUGHT TO STAY ALIVE BUT HIS TIME WAS FINISHED. NOW I JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT MY SON 'S TIME WAS UP TO BUT ITS A BIT HARDER CAUSE OF THE UNKNOWN OF HIS PASSING STILL NO FACTS PLACED BEFORE ME. I DID HAVE A REAL DREAM OF HIM WHICH LIFTED MY SPIRIT. BUT THESE PAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN HARD ON ME EVEN THOUGH J.R. IS HOME. ANYWAY YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED MUCH LOVE TO YOU AND THE FAMILY VALERIEClose
A Psychic told me! / Shelly Knowles (mom)
I spent Wednesday evening (5/16/07) with Theresa Cosco, a psychic consultant who was referred to me by a friend, and I want to share what she said to me: Almost immediately she felt a male presence beside me. She said that he was a young adult man. She said that he kept telling her he loves me. She described him as nice, polite, introverted and spiritual. She said that he thought before he spoke, choosing his words and that he was looking at me, rather than her, during the reading. He told her that there was still a lot of sadness surrounding his passing. She added that it recent. He told her that he was very surprised by his passing because he thought that he was getting better. She repeated this several times during the reading, and later elaborated that he had gone through some kind of medical procedure, which had been success, and that something must happened after, rather suddenly. She said that he left his body several times before he passed and that his friends may have seen him. He wanted everyone to know that he never gave up. He did not want to die. She said that “the train had left the station”, which were her words to describe what he was telling her - that he could no longer return to his body because it could no longer sustain him. She said that he was a little confused at the moment of his passing, but that he understood when he saw his grandmother, and that they were both very happy to see each other. She said that his dog is with him too and that he is happy about that. He told her that when he passed, everything fell into place; that he realized that he had fulfilled what he had wanted from this life - to remain true to his spiritual self during chaos. She said that he is content and happy. He told her that there is more “meaning” in the place that he is now and that there are no limitations. She asked him for evidence that he is still alive and he told her that he knew that something is happening with a relative in Pennsylvania. He knows that I write to him. He knows about the book we plan to put together. He told her that he was cremated and that his ashes have not yet been spread. He told her about the birds on his urn. He said that he is very happy by the ways we have honored him. He showed her a shirt that he said someone is making in honor of him. He told her that someone is sketching or drawing him. He told her that I am driving his truck. He also mentioned that there is someone with a name very similar to mine who is very important to him - Sherry. Theresa sensed a couple other names - Jeff and Bryan, but she said that she was not able to translate some names. She said that Nick told her about a trip out west, towards or to California, and that he said when his friends go, he will go with them and that some others, from the other side, will join them. He told her about his father; he said that some kind of healing had happened between them and that he was very glad. She said that he is still alive and that he is right here with us, all the time, all around us. She said that he never left. She said that he told her that he hangs around near the wind chimes on the porch. Theresa shared much more with me, but I do not remember it all right now. As I remember, I will add it to this site in case it is meant for someone else. Love to all from Nick’s mom Close
A Mother's Day Thought from Nicholas / Melissa Eiler (Visitor~Daughter of Irwin & Renee Eiler )Read >>
A Mother's Day Thought from Nicholas / Melissa Eiler (Visitor~Daughter of Irwin & Renee Eiler )
An Angel's Soul / Valerie DiCuffa (Shelly's cousin )Read >>
An Angel's Soul / Valerie DiCuffa (Shelly's cousin )
Nick it's good that you are helping your mom feel you, she needs that visitation for her soul. Her love for you is so strong and I know you will always be there for her . She knows it too ,but we humans need reinsurance now and then . As a mom I know the pain of loosing a son, we think we are ok but we will always need our son to lift our spirits It's your turn to take care of mom. , Shelly keep an open mind and trust you'll recieve just what you need when you least expect My heart goes out to you,now Always and Forever Close
I will continue to be / Cheryl Youker (Aunt) Tomorrow, I will continue to be. But you will have to be very attentive to see me. I will be a flower, or a leaf. I will be in these forms and I will say hello to you. If you are attentive enough, you will recognize me, and may greet me. I will be very happy. Close
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